Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
