I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
