I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
