Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
