When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
