How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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