dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
