I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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