You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
