On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
