I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
