FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
