either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
