Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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