So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
