hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
