How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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