he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
