You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
