Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
