Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Randomize
