Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
