It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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