He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
