i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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