Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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