we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Who died my cat blue again?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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