I just saw a hot homeless man
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
