The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize