"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
should my penis look like a turkey
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
