Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
