I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
