I accidentally burped into my bong.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
