I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
