Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
