NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
