did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
