wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
