In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
