He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
So many bounce houses so little time
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
