and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize