Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Shame - the story of my life.
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