Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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