VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He better not be in your backpack
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
