too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Did I show you my penis last night?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
