In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
