She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
