I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
