So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
