dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
