she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
