every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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