The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
