I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
