perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
