I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
