i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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