Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All I want is dick and wine.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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