Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
