We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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