Sry I called you an 8
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
