I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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