I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
