I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
