my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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