everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
