Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
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