even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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