3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize